Parent Trap
by buffett-head
Summary: Lassiter finally has the chance for a little payback against Shawn. And yet, somehow it doesn't seem quite right. Set during Gus walks into a bank. Shules via Lassiter's POV.


**A/N: **This episode frustrated me so much, but in the end I think it really added to the dynamic of the Shawn and Juliet. I think Juliet would need a push to go to Shawn after everything that happened at the bank. And Lassiter? Well, he does what any good partner would do.

* * *

**Life would be funny if it wasn't so tragic.**

It should have been more fun. This was his golden opportunity to pay Shawn Spencer back for over two years of infuriating annoyance. Apparently Juliet neglected to tell Shawn about her dates with Commander Dunce--err, Luntz. Truth be told, Carlton couldn't figure out what she saw in him. The guy was arrogant and almost twice her age, but he must have made a convincing argument--after all he was a negotiator. When Carlton realized Shawn had no idea about the relationship he couldn't keep the smirk off his face, and it felt good to see the pseudo-sleuth get a little come-uppance for all the crap he'd pulled.

But then he feels it: that first twinge of guilt. Like when you pick up a heavy box wrong and feel a quick, sharp pain in the small of your back. It's not bad at first, but you know later on the muscles will tighten up and eventually just standing still for more than a few minutes will leave you hobbling until the muscles warm up. Besides, Shawn is a pain in the neck, not the back. And even he doesn't deserve this, not really. As far as Carlton knows, Shawn isn't seeing anyone. Which is why he is constantly chatting up Juliet. And she has played along the whole time, flirted back, even got him to cover for her when she almost blew the roller derby investigation. And then…BAM! Do not pass go, do not collect two hundred bucks. It's 'thanks for everything, but I never seriously considered you to begin with. By the way, can we still be friends?' He hated when they played the friend card. Women…they're freaking _evil_.

By the Man Code alone, Carlton owes Shawn. The psychic helped him get back into his father-in-law's good graces. Shawn's investigating was crucial to solving the Holmstrom murder case, which allowed Carlton to gain membership into the Monarch Lodge. His relationship with Victoria had improved incrementally, and he was beginning to hope they still had a future together. Likewise, Carlton could've--should've--warned Shawn about Juliet; it was the right thing to do. Honestly, he should've tried to convince Juliet to dump Luntz. Definitely not in favor of dating the pseudo-psychic, but at the very least because Luntz was a jackass.

It's fun to watch Shawn flip out, but Carlton's heart isn't in it anymore. It's not fair to Shawn, because as much as he annoys Carlton he is always there for Juliet. The two have become part of his life. They flirt and dance around each other and it's comforting to know that even if his marriage is falling apart there is at least the possibility of happiness for his partner. Sometimes he has the sneaking suspicion that Shawn and Juliet see him as their special project. That they look after him together. As jaded as he is, Carlton knows he's lucky to have them around.

But now there's a very real possibility that they won't even be friends much longer. The day wears on and eventually the only words they exchange are in hurt tones, charged with an emotion that he didn't know existed between the two. The bickering in the van is too much; it reminds him of fights with Victoria. He has to make them stop talking before someone goes too far. He's not even sure they know they've been fighting in public most of the day. "You two know I'm in the van, right?" He reminds them loudly.

When the three of them find the wife, Carlton is amazed at how fast Shawn compartmentalizes his feelings and helps the victim. He knows that Juliet is trying--less successfully--to do the same thing. But neither one can completely ignore the other, and Carlton watches them sneak glances at one another when the other isn't looking. It's getting painful to watch, even for a jaded old detective.

Back at the bank, when Carlton realizes that Shawn has flat out lied to Luntz, he's a little shocked. But when Shawn refuses to explain himself it's so obvious to Carlton that he wanted to show up Luntz one last time. Why else would he send the guy into the sewer--in the exact opposite direction of the suspect? But after everything is wrapped up Shawn doesn't stick around and Juliet doesn't look for him to say goodbye. _What the hell is it going to take?_ Carlton wonders to himself. It feels like his universe is out of balance. _To hell with this,_ he decides, _if I'm their project then they're my project._ If nothing else, he owes Shawn, man to man. It's too late to catch the psychic, but Juliet has to ride back to the station with him. If he can get to her now they'll be able to leave before Luntz resurfaces.

"O'Hara!" He motions to his car "Let's get going."

"We've still got statements to take." Juliet tells him as she walks up.

No problem. "McNabb!" He shouts, and the cop is quickly by his side. "I want you to make sure we take everyone's statement, got it?" McNabb nods excitedly. "When you've got all the statements and all the evidence, make sure the Chief doesn't need anything else, then bring it all to my desk."

"Yes, sir." McNabb starts to take off.

"Hey!" Carlton stops him. When he's got McNabb's attention again he speaks in an encouraging voice, "You're in charge here, and I'm counting on you. Think you can handle that?"

"Absolutely, sir." McNabb replies.

"Good, then what are you waiting for?" Carlton questions, and McNabb rushes off.

"What's going on here?" Juliet asks, looking towards the SWAT vehicle.

"We've got work to do." Carlton tells her. He opens up the passenger door for her and she just stares at him. "Come on, O'Hara!" He almost shouts, and she gets in.

During the drive back to the station he can't figure out how to open the conversation, so he just dives in. "So you never told Shaw--err, Spencer, about Dunce, huh?" He couldn't help himself there, the guy really is a jackass.

She sighs, loudly. "No, I didn't tell him about _Luntz_." She corrects him. "Why do you care?"

Damn, the caring question. He reverts to an old standby and hopes it'll throw off her suspicions. "We're partners, I thought you wanted to share all this touchy-feely crap. Isn't that why you tried to find me a girlfriend a while back?"

"I was trying to help you Carlton. It was for your own good." She tells him, and he can tell she's not happy with his questions.

"And I'm just looking out for you. I've known that guy for a long time, Juliet. He's a freakin' tool." Out of the corner of his eye he catches a glimpse of her studying him. "What?"

"Since when do you call me Juliet?" She asks.

"Since…well, you call me Carlton all the time. I can't use your first name?"

"It's just that you never do." She's still studying him. "And since when do you call Shawn by his first name?"

Oh God, she's noticing little details. She's _definitely_ been around Shawn too much. Attack now! "What you did to him was really unfair."

"I knew it!" Juliet shouts. "Did he put you up to this?" She demands.

"No, I--"

"I'm not dating Shawn!" Juliet says loudly. "I've never dated Shawn!"

"That's not the issue." Carlton tells her.

"Then what is?" She asks him "I can't even believe you're taking his side in all this!" She shouts.

"You led him on!" Carlton shouts back. "And you've been doing it for a while. Why do you think he was so upset today?"

"So you two solve a bank robbery together and now you're best friends?" She asks bitterly.

"Don't be ridiculous." Carlton scoffs. "But I'm right and you know it. The more I think about it the more I realize you treated him like crap. And if you're not careful he won't be a friend much longer."

"I thought that would make you happy--he wouldn't be hanging around the station anymore," she says angrily.

"It doesn't matter if I can't stand him!" He calms down, and chooses his next words carefully. He hates to give the tough love speech, but she needs it. "Look, you're my partner and I've got your back no matter what. But this has gone way too far. Which is why I'm telling you he cares about you, Juliet. You can't just throw that away. You might not be able to get it back."

Juliet is silent for a long time, and Carlton concentrates on the road. Finally she tells him quietly, "I never meant for this to happen."

Carlton nods, "No one ever does."

"What do I do?" She asks.

"Just apologize to him," he says. "Your personal life is your business, but you need to let him know where he stands."

"It's not easy." she admits.

"Never said it was," he agrees as they pull up to the station. "I think they still have Gus's shoes in Evidence. At least now you have a reason to stop by."

"Thanks." She says.

"Yeah," he sighs. "Go ahead, go inside. Get yourself some coffee and meet me in Interrogation A. Buzz will probably be here in fifteen or twenty minutes."

"What about you?"

"I'll be right in, just got to get some paperwork out of the car."

"Alright." She opens her door and steps out. "See you inside."

He just nods. After she shuts the door he takes a deep breath, holds it for a few seconds, and exhales through pursed lips. _Sweet Justice, it's been a long day._ It dawns on him that he just defended Shawn, possibly even recommended him to Juliet. Carlton closes his eyes and leans back in his seat. _I hate it when Mom and Dad fight,_ he thinks sarcastically.

* * *

The long day is over.


End file.
